• Dylan Caufield

The Hotel Commiefornia

Updated: May 27

One of my favorite rock n' roll songs of all time, Hotel California, by one of my favorite bands, the Eagles, has been getting plenty of play on my iPhone. It is one of the most perfectly recorded and written songs. Everything about it, especially the lyrics. Like good poetry the lyrical meaning can change to fit the reader's interpretation. So as California native and current resident during these corona times, I could not resist a dark parody of one of the all-time classics.

Hotel Commiefornia

On the big bacon beltway, hurling hate at Paul Revere

Botox beckons bad news, Hannity hissing in the air

Ahead in the Dem distant, left coast locust in light

Debts drawer is heavy, Sactown sights are dim

I popped my last blue pill for the night The scarf queen stood in the doorway

Bill Gates by the window sill

And then I was afraid to myself

Could this be a New Word heaven or a new normal hell?

He beamed from satellite, and he knew of foul play

There were voices down that rabbit hole

I could hear them say

Welcome to the Hotel Commie-fornia

Such a liberal place (such a liberal place)

Such a lying face

Plenty of gloom at Hotel Commie-fornia

No time to cheer

We will spread the fear

The patriot is all Trump twisted, he's got MSM in the wind.

He's got a lot of petty, petty, rights he wants to amend.

How he chants in the chamber, feel the frightful fret.

Some chant up the numbers, some chant to reset.

So he calls up the President

Please bring me my swine

He said bigly "that's the largest power grab, the largest of all time."

And those 5G towers are calling from far away

Track you every minute of the day and the night

He could hear them say

Welcome to the Hotel Commie-fornia

Quarantine in place (quarantine in place)

Don't touch your face

Plenty of corona at the Hotel Commie-fornia

We are paid to lie (we are paid to lie)

Feds feed us alibis

Disinfo from the media

The pink politicians on ice

And he said, "we are all just patriots here, of Asian device"

And in the governor mansion

Deep State to say the least

Frothing with fright at forty-five

Not knowing, they're the beast

Then the patriot paused and remembered

As the blue pill was no more

He had to find his country back before it was a whore

"Run", laughed the tv man

Silicon Valley is programmed to succeed

You can check out any chicom you like

But Big Brother brings victory


Unlike the iconic last line of the song, I want to leave without telling and never come back. But in a metaphorical sense, which is how the song was written, Don Henley and Glen Frey got it correct, I will never be able to leave. I am a patriot that is trapped in a slowly evolving communist matrix. The simulated fake universe of blissful ignorance will soon be over. The blue pills are all gone, and patriots need to understand that to swallow the cold hard truth of the red pill and take up the resistance.

Washington D.C., known as the beltway, and it's current two-faced, botox binging Speaker of the House, is leading the charge for cramming pork in all of these corona stimulus bills. Her nephew is Governor Gavin Newsom and she is doing her level best to backchannel bailout bucks to the heavily in debt golden state. And they are doing this by selling fear---an emotion that comes natural and matter of fact to the Democrat wing. There is a dark desert upon the people while the cool wind blows through the gel of Governor Newsom‘s hair. Every time there is obviously good news about flattening the curve and defeating the virus...Governor Nuisance takes a strong smell of some colitas and tells us that despair is still rising up in the air, and therefore, more communism, I mean, testing, social distancing, face mask-wearing and other blue state reassurances to slow recovery are in place.

Up ahead in the COVID 19 distant one can now see the shimmer of a nefarious plight. A blue state that loves taking the blue pill of unicorn peace but now, our heads have grown heavy and sights grown dim, because we are all out of the blue pills. Now we must sell the unpleasantness truth of the red pill so that the state can get bailout bucks to feed more blue pills to all to the addicted shepherds and its flock to keep the Commiefornia as blue as the Dodger sky. So to stifle any impetus of a rebellion, Governor New-scum is selling guilt and morality to the federal government.--that in good conscience Big Brother must help the left-handed little brother on the left coast--that spoiled little brother that always gets in trouble says he is sorry and he won't be a bad boy again. This little brother stands very tall and has a family size of 40 million self-absorbed, vain, welfare-dependent, impervious to federal immigration law, mouths to feed. So that the gov can continue to spread the love, and its people continue to suck on the botox boob of Pelosi, then the speaker and the district representative of the states bluest pill poppers needs to keep spreading the porn, a particular genre of porn that would even make San Fernando Valley blush. This porn is laced with such freakish fear that the pig begins to look like a patriot to this pathetic populous.

The hypocrisy of this assumption is as enormous as the physical size of the state and as insidious as the Hollywood hedonism that seeps from its pores. The dark desert highway from the beltway bacon in DC to the sucking sycophants in Sacramento is long and windy, so the patriot will have a stop for the night. The patriot will stumble into a red pill-popping hotel in a red state. People here will discuss how far down the rabbit hole the corruption goes. They connect the dots of reality, not a simulated one. But the patriot will still wake the next morning in a Fauci fog and see the scarf queen in the doorway, then hear Bill Gates chime the vaccine bell standing at the window sill, wondering if this is the New World heaven or a new normal hell. Scared, he wants to lights a candle, instead, a satellite beams down on him to instill fear about the corruptible contents down that long rabbit hole, and it is a dark draconian voice that emanates from this crevice.

The Eagles wrote the song as a disdain for what they had become. They despised all of the materialism, greed, and emptiness that goes on in the music industry--people came and went like travelers in a hotel but they could never shake the nightmarish experience. The music industry is the American Dream with a dark underbelly and this is very similar to the fake facade and delusional disinformation that is delivered to the American citizen as something righteous and patriotic when in fact it is influenced by some very dark and manipulative forces.