• Dylan Caufield

The Drive Through

Updated: May 4

Americans making an excellent choice in using the drive through to acces their fast food, coffee, ice cream, or whatever sinful delight of their choice. First, car theft is high so it is a good idea to not go inside where nobody is waiting and have your order taken and served in a faster time. Second, the argument of breathing in excessive car exhaust can be easily diverted and turned into a positive. Just grab a coronavirus mask and then hold ones breath for a minute in five minute stretches. If you have the hiccups the drive thru is the perfect place to remedy those annoying things with long stretches of holding your breath. This helps increase lung capacity and is a welcome exercise if you are in aome kind of intense cardio training like a marathon or triathlon. But chances you avoid this type of strenuous activity, because you are rightfully cautious, and you are afraid of pulling a muscle, or getting mugged, by walking inside, which is why you have intelligently chosen to wait in the car by yourself in your three ton suburban for that extra large double frappacino with extra whip cream. Thirdly, what cannot be overlooked is the opportunity to show off the accoustics in your car while you wait for your order. It is a very thoughtful gesture because the drive through attendant gets bored so he or she is very appreciative of some slappin Dr Dre or some screaming AC/DC as background noise while you yell your order into the speaker. Finally, and truly the rico suave move of all time, is anxiously awaiting to drop that funny one liner that is going to seriously swoon that cute drive up attendant. So when you say, "I seem to have lost my phone number, can I have yours?", he or she will be so overcome that they will retort with, "you seem to be a parking ticket, because you have fine written all over it." Of course, when you reach the window to pick up your order, with your own eyes and much to your dismay, you have been part of history, a day that will live in infamy.

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