• Dylan Caufield

Corona and the Doomsday Playlists

Updated: Apr 26

What is it--day 20 of quarrantine where I live--and I was feeling a bit dark so I went to my amazon playlist and played some Doors. One of my favorite groups when I am in that mood, and guess what was the first track to come on--The End. This apocalytic downer is absolutely numero uno on any doomsday countdown. The beat, the lyrics, Jim Morrison bellowing, "Father, I want to Kill (cough on) you" just oozes with cataclysmic overtones and it is hard to argue that is the crescendo, the encore, for a corona crisis concert. So to be alternatively different and non MSM, I have put together a reverse doomsday playlist. This playlist will probably make you puke with its fickle, superficial vanity and bubblegum beat, or as you will see as number one, maybe it is the wrong list--you decide. Anyway, if you want to go down with a supposed smile on your face, or if you feel that these songs will get you more aligned with the end times, then this is the playlist. But for me, and many others, this playlist is a way to flip the bird to humanity and leave behind the most inane, vapid crap the universe ever created on the turntable so that those still living in post apocalytic corona times better understand the debased culture that left us.

10. I'll Be There For You-The Rembrandts--Everytime I hear this song I lose my lunch.

The gay cliche opening lyrics, "no one told us life was going to be this way" and the sappy happy chorus "I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too" make me as hot as 5G radiation. Post apocalyptic survivors will soon realize that this song just epitomized and embraced the brain dead culture that they left behind. It played as the opening for "Freinds" --probably the most popular unrealistic, false expectation sit com of all time. The portrayal of these six friends, hanging around a coffee shop all day trying to make it in the Big Apple is so delusional and void of reality.

9. "Believe"-- Cher--The vocals in this this dance-pop track aided by Auto-Tune to give that echoing effect make me nuclear requesting anger management. After the corona apocalypse, a survivor will probably hear " do you believe in life after love" from the iphone of a deceased dyke thrice jilted by lesbian lovers.

8. "When I Ruled the World"-Coldplay. I could probably have separate list of just coldplay songs that make me want to guzzle Pepto Bismo. They are just too winy, depressing, uncool while simultaneously trying to be cool, and just out and out bland. So after the corona destruction, those listening to the complaining cry "when I rule the world" coming through someones car stereo will have a better understanding of the downfall.

7. "I Admit"- R. Kelly- This POS has never been played on any of my media devices until this pedo perv of a turd surfaced in the news for being one. So out of dark curiosity I randomly checked out this rap--notice I did not use the word song which connotes some assemblance of musical acumen. When the post corona survivors listen--they will understand just how horrible and insincere the lyrics are. This illiterate rap glorifies what a loser he is and stands tall on all his dumbas choices. It is predictive programming for the decline and fall of western civilization. In the post corona apocalypse, I see this song being played in a house that got heavily looted.

6. "Sexy Back"--Justin Timberlake--Never understood the erection or orgasm, take your pick, everybody got over Justin Timberlake. So he grabbed Janet Jackson's tata during the Super Bowl, but he did not bring sexy back. It never left as Price said. Why did he hate on Prince? Anyway, this is a dickriding song that the sluts request at the bars. It has that lame techno loop, mumbling and distorted vocals. When it all goes down, some skank that always got the Big O everytime she saw JT, will be laying dead on the floor in her bathroom with this song in the background. Survivors--this was not sexy.

5. "Hey Mickey"--Toni Basil--This one hit wonder song from the 80's truly creates bile in the back of my mouth. This bouncy bubblegum song with Tony Basil as a cheerleader had insane frequency on MTV. But after corona, ther will be no mickey mouse, no mickey at all. Mickey is not fine and he makes me lose my mine. I picture a survivor performing a noble act for its new humanity and dropping a tv from twelve story balcony as this disgusting video is played.

4. "We Built this City"-Starship- I could go 500 words on this but words do not justice here. Stupid song from a band that completely sold out. This vapid piece of venom that poisoned the airwaves for generations with this number one single (how and why explains everything wrong here) should be played as punishment played for those on death row and in solitary confinement . Without a doubt a corona survivor will reach for the nearest baseball bat and whack the the first radio that still has this drivel on.

3. "Higher"-Creed--Not against Christian euphemistic themes, but the cheesy overplayed power ballad is the score on every teary episode of someone overcoming unbelivable odds. Understatement of all understatements that it was overplayed, overkilled, and over the top--even the video. Scott Sapp self rightoeous delivery contributed to the band's hatred and countless memes of 'creed sucks'. If there is a rapture, I hope and pray this song is not being played.

2. "Final Countdown"-Europe-The repetitive, annoying keyboard solo throughout the song is noise cancer to the listener and has him willfully praying for the final countdown to end so that this song will mercifully be terminated. If this glitzy glam medal of unnerving vibrations is still being played in the afterlife, then there will be none whatsoever.

1."Imagine"-John Lennon--I will get a lot of flack here. For many this is a blasphemy to even insert this hippy humanistic hymn for progressivism on the list. For the record, I am huge Beatles fan and have the utmost respect for John Lennon as a songwriter. But this song is oozing with communism and new world order themes. It's utopian at its best and overly presumptuous at its worse. If that is your decree, enjoy. This song may very well be the battlecry when it all goes down, and it very well may be the battlecry on the other side.

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